joebuddenlsfandomcom-20200214-history
Slaughterhouse
Slaughterhouse is a rap supergroup comprised of four members: #Royce da 5'9": Eminem's sidekick (who spent a long time being very upset about this title, now he accepts it). His function within the group is to do 90% of the hooks, rap very quickly/smoothly about absolute bullshit, and be a legitimate alcoholic. He reached his lyrical peak on the Slaughterhouse track "Coming Home," in which he states, "My daughter's a doll, she loves to see her father come/She loves to blow bubbles with her bubblegum" #Crooked I: An "OG" West Coast rapper who is notable for having one rapid-fire flow and sticking to it. A heavy proponent of forced multisyllabic rhymes, often involving awkward pop culture/intellectual references. Has been rapping since rap began but never acquired any measure of fame or recognition. Consider why that may be the case. #Joe Budden: Master of Ls, the focus of this website, and incidentally consistently the best on all Slaughterhouse tracks. This is all relative. #Joell Ortiz: Possibly the corniest human being alive. To paraphrase some guy on wu-corp, "I have never seen somebody try so hard and suck so bad." Has been attempting to get the phrase "YAOWA" to catch on for years, with remarkably poor results. Notable for rapping about diverse topics such as shitting, farting, eating, eating other rappers, his family, being Puerto Rican, selling crack, and stuffing drugs in his ass crack (yes, seriously). Gave the Slaughterhouse track "Park It Sideways" the verse of the year: ::::: And shawty mouth is under my ooo... I can’t say that, radio don’t play that I’m so cool the sun gotta hate that But it can never blind me, now where my Rays at? Yeah, boy, this is payback Y’all was hating back in May, so I said “Hey” and bought a Maybach The roof gone, so I park it where the shade at Leave it sideways and spin the wheel, no Sajak ::::::::: Joell Ortiz, "Park It Sideways" Formed after Joe Budden recruited the other three rappers (plus some guy named Nino Bless who was promptly forgotten) for a track, Slaughterhouse represents a novel and ambitious idea: make a group of 4 unsuccessful rappers, and surely the group will be successful. They recorded an album in like a week or something, released it, and the internet Jansport brigade gently touched themselves to the idea that all of their favorite underdog rappers were going to get some shine. Nobody in real life actually cared about the album, however. At some point after the first album, Royce managed to fellate Eminem hard enough that he signed Slaughterhouse and Yelawolf to his label, which has an interesting history of ruining acts that aren't Eminem. Slaughterhouse is driven by an interest in producing "real" "lyrical" hip-hop, distinct from the commercialized mainstream drivel pumped out by radio stations nationwide. Consequently, their next album was a commercial, mainstream attempt at radio placement. It failed spectacularly. While actual reviews were average, the album itself is one of the largest trainwrecks of a musical project since Lil Wayne's "Rebirth." Slaughterhouse is currently writing a third album. The internet's worst writers are currently hard at work writing slander for this next project.